


windows open and raining in

by coffeemonster



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Infidelity, John loves Alexander a lot, John loves Cleaning a lot, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Spanking, Under-negotiated Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:05:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7110514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeemonster/pseuds/coffeemonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Talking to John was frustrating. At first they attempted to call each other every day, finding a way to talk to each other at a certain time when they were both awake and not busy. Between the long, flowery letters Alex wrote and the short, concise letters from the less verbose John, they found they had less to talk about when they came face to face. John would tell Alex about people he met and the day he had, Alex would tell him about his day and eventually found his stories to be repetitive. He found John was starting to do the same.<br/>---<br/>John goes off to the military and Alex waits for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. middle

The mornings were usually the best. Alexander would blearily open his eyes to find his John sleeping on his side next to him with one arm draped over Alex’s waist, the other tucked underneath his head. His heart would flutter with love as he’d pepper John’s face and neck with butterfly kisses until he'd wake up and smile down at him and squeeze Alex closer into his chest.

Such was not the case the morning John was to depart for the military. It was all rough kissing and marking and whispering " _mine_ ". They barely slept the night before, deciding to completely just indulge themselves-- switched it up and had Alex fuck John into the mattress as John clutched the sheets, Alex hungrily taking what he could from him before he left. Neither had left a spot on the others’ body untouched, kissed roughly and passionately, kissed sweetly and softly, made sure to leave marks with their hands and with their lips. _Mine, mine, mine._

“I love you, John Laurens,” whispered Alex into his ears as he caressed John’s face in his hands, tip-toeing to be able to reach him. They were at the airport and John had his arms wrapped his arms around Alex, holding him flush to his chest. His carry-on luggage parked next to him, waiting to be carried off into the plane. Alex pulled slightly away to look into his eyes. “I’ll wait for you here and I’ll be all yours, y’know, _yours_ and I’ll write you letters, like, _real_ letters. I’ll write you everyday and then we’ll call each other and I’m going to miss you, John. John, I already do, _my_ John. John Laurens.”

“Why am I leaving when you're here again?” John chuckled softly, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He looked up and blinked rapidly to will them away, but Alex’s little sniff followed by a quiet sob into his chest released the floodgates. Alex groaned with protest when John unwrapped his arms to place his hands upon Alex’s, squeezing them lightly and pressed his forehead upon his shorter love. They looked at each other's tear-ridden face and laughed at how ridiculous they probably looked, like a cliche romantic movie. 

John closed the space between them, his lips soft and gentle and loving, full of meaning against Alexander's. A kiss to convey how heartbroken he was to leave him, how much he'll miss him, how pure and true he is to him, how his very being belonged to Alex, his heart handed over without a shred of doubt. Alex pressed back against him,  _I know, I know,_ tangled his hands into John's hair and lightly held him there. 

John hesitantly broke the kiss. "I love you so much, Alexander Hamilton, I do." Placed a kiss on his nose, on each cheek, on his forehead as Alex giggled through his tears. "I've gotta go." Kissed his lips chastely and buried his nose into the crook of Alex's neck, placing his hands on either sides of Alex's waist and breathed deeply. He was going to miss the way Alex smelled and how it permeated his bed sheets, his clothes when it was borrowed, and even himself. Alex buried his nose into John's hair and did the same, the scent of his conditioner made him melt a little. "I gotta go." A quick kiss to his neck and another on his lips and he pulled them completely apart and grabbed the handle of his luggage and stepped away.

"I love you, Hamilton." 

"I love you more, Laurens."

With that, John had disappeared into his gate and into his plane. And Alexander was alone.

He sat in the lobby of the airport and waited for the plane to depart before he made his own departure back to their apartment, now having only one inhabitant for the time being.

His drive home was quiet and lonely, his hand placed on the passenger seat's armrest where they would usually hold hands, his short nails lightly scratching the fabric. Heavy dread weighed down on his chest and an iron ball was stuck in his throat and he was alone. He wished eyes had windshield wipers.

A silly thought, a hope he knew was ridiculous,  _but imagine if John is just sitting on the couch when I open the apartment door. Jumps up and yells that he's kidding and he's staying after all._   _Just. Imagine. What if._

The door was opened, no one was on the couch. Dropped his keys on the kitchen counter and sauntered off to the bedroom to lay face down on John's side of the bed and had himself a good cry until he fell asleep. Beginnings are always the worst.

He woke up 8 PM, his sleeping schedule thoroughly skewed, checked his phone for notifications from John-- nothing yet. With that, he decided to start penning his first letter off to John Laurens. 

It turned out to be 4 pages front and back, full of sweet metaphors about his pain and the loss he felt and what he planned to do when he returned and poems and comparisons and thoughtless rambling. He knew he was overreacting, but he didn't care enough to feel pathetic about himself. Alex hadn't been by himself for a long time and he was going to let himself feel bad about that. 

After shoving the papers into an envelope, he took a long shower. He used John's hair products even though he knew they were made for curly hair. Used his soap and came out smelling like his boyfriend. The mirror was covered with moisture, which he wiped so that he could take a look at John's marks on his chest and his neck. A hand glided over his skin and pressed his fingers on a particular hickey which John laved over. He didn't feel anything but a strong longing and decided to get dressed in his pajamas quickly.

His first class of the day began at 11 AM, which left him a good couple of hours to wait until he would have to leave their apartment again. With a cup of coffee and a book in his hand, he sat on the couch and attempted to distract himself until he had to go.

He was ready by 10 AM, shoving his feet into his shoes and grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter.  _This fucking sucks and I hate my life so much right now,_ he thought. His looked as terribly as he felt, but dragged himself out the door to begrudgingly attend class. Alex decided to take the train instead of driving, finding the commute slightly relaxing. 

 

"Alexander, _mon dieu_ , you're a mess!" 

Alex threw his friend, the Marquis de Lafayette whose English dripped with a heavy French accent, a weak smile as he approached him in the hallways. "That's a pretty accurate description of my life right now." 

Lafayette clapped his back with a hearty laugh, to which Alex twitched with slight annoyance. "Your John Laurens may be absent from us,  _oui_ , but your good friend Lafayette remains by your side. Might I be enjoying your company this evening at the, ah, downtown club?"

"Don't think I'm really feeling up to partying tonight, but thanks for the invite." 

"Hm. Alright, but don't let yourself sulk for too long, it is not good for you and John would not want that." Lafayette nodded his head towards the entrance to the classroom and placed his hand on Alexander's shoulder, ever so touchy. "Off to class we go then?"

"Yep."

It's been almost 24 hours and John hadn't shot him a text or a call yet, hadn't heard anything from him at all. Alex knew that the flight took a while and landing and getting to a place where he would be able to send anything would be another story, but he couldn't help being slightly anxious. The phone in his hand was being locked and unlocked and locked and unlocked and Lafayette, sitting beside him, had noticed and snatched it away to shove it in his bag. Alex glared at him momentarily before dropping his head onto his notebook that was laid out onto the table in front of them. The rest of the class went by with Alex taking slight notes and an anxious foot tapping that Lafayette gritted his teeth over.

Finally, class was over and Lafayette handed his phone back with a roll of his eyes as they shuffled out the room. "You really don't want to go out tonight? It seems you should really take your mind off of  _something_."

"I said no alright?" snapped Alex as he unlocked his phone to check his notifications. Nothing. He released a deadbeat sigh and Lafayette pursed his lips at him. "I'm sorry, I'm just. I need to make sure I get back to him as soon as he contacts me."

Lafayette sighed along with him as they walked out of the building. "Oh, fine. But vices at night might help you with your nerves. If you're interested in participating you know how to get a hold of me."

"I do, thanks." 

 

The apartment door was opened. Empty couch. Keys dropped on the counter. Back to John's side of the bed, inhaling the remains of his scent. Day 2. He can do this. 

It's not like John was going to be gone the whole two years. He would be visiting here and there when he could. He said he'll request to come home for their anniversary and Christmas to New Years. He'll get to see John 15 days a year. 30 days for two years. He can do that, but his heart is already breaking. Two years is such a long time.

His phone vibrated with a beep next to him. His heart jumped with joy inside him. He unlocked his device, a message from John with a photo.

"Alexander Hamilton, I'm safe." Attached was a photo of him making a stupid kissy face to the camera and Alex could have cried with relief. 

 

Alex spent the rest of the week coming home immediately after class, occasionally making a stop to the supermarket to buy some groceries and basic household items and smothers himself with the sheets that still held John's scent. He watched the marks slowly fade from his body, much to his dismay. He noticed the sheets losing their John-ness. Life was starting to move on without John Laurens. John Laurens was starting a life that Alexander would not know and his heart ached and everything ached and it hurt and it fucking felt  _terrible_. Choppy Skype sessions made him feel sadder and cute little messages exchanged back and forth quelled only little.

"Man, I miss you, H-" 

"John? Hello? Can you hear me still?"

Disconnected. Jesus _Christ_.

 

The sheets were washed and they smelled fresh, free from all the dried tears it had collected.

 

Talking to John was frustrating. At first they attempted to call each other every day, finding a way to talk to each other at a certain time when they were both awake and not busy. Between the long, flowery letters Alex wrote and the short, concise letters from the less verbose John, they found they had less to talk about when they came face to face. John would tell Alex about people he met and the day he had, Alex would tell him about his day and eventually found his stories to be repetitive. He found John was starting to do the same. So they decided to start calling each other once a week. 

It was night time at John's, but afternoon at Alex's and on a particularly good day with a good connection, he felt adventurous. 

"John, you're alone right now yeah?" He sat on John's old side of the bed propped up against the headboard, legs stretched out with his laptop placed on his lap. He smiled coyly into the camera.

"Are you--" John's eyes darted back and forth, looked up momentarily and looked back at the screen. He whispered into the microphone of his earphones. "Are you going to fuck yourself?"

It took all of Alex to not burst out laughing. Instead, he pushed the laptop further down his thighs to reveal a slight bulge in his pants, with his face barely included in the view. His left hand reached down on top of he jeans and began rubbing slow circles. "I don't know. Am I going to be?"

"God, Alex." John's gave a heavy breath into the mic as he looked at his screen, biting his bottom lip. His eyes shifted back and forth. "I want to fuck you so bad." 

Alex groaned. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, the only barrier between his hardening cock and the camera a flimsy piece of cotton. "Yeah? What else?"

"I want to taste your cock, put it in my mouth and choke on it," he coughed, but nonetheless continued whispering. "You can fuck my mouth and I'll just take it like a ragdoll. Lick it good and suck it hard just to watch you lose control like you always do." The hand slips into Alex's underwear as he begins to stroke himself into fullness.

"I'd pull your fucking hair, John. I know you hate it, but I fucking  _love_ it." A slow, but deliberate stroke, a swipe over his slit. "Spit on my cock, John. Make it wet."

"Gladly."

Alex grab the bottle of lube from the bed side table and slicks himself up with slow strokes still. "Let me see your dick, John. Show me what you'd fucked me with." 

"Alex, I can't--"

"Let me see your fucking dick-" 

"Fuck, _okay_ , Jesus." John scrambled to push his own laptop further down, careful not to unplug his earphones. He shimmied his sweatpants down, spit in his hand and took out his hard dick from its confines. His eyes glanced upwards and back at the camera. Through the haze of lust, Alex felt a surge of slight annoyance.

"Stop getting distracted and fuck me." 

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll pass out. Would you like that? You're going to be fucked out of your mind." John's hand sped up and Alex followed suit, moaning loudly. 

"Fuck me, fuck me,  _hard_." A warmth began pooling in the pits of his stomach, a slow simmer on the verge of boiling over.

"You're going to take my big, fat, cock into your  _fucking_ tight hole, Alex and I'm going to slam you into the wall and the neighbors will hear you being fucked and used. And they're going to know it's from  _my_ cock because you're going to be screaming my fucking name. What's my name? What's my  _fucking_ name?"

Alex was on the verge, he was so fucking close. He started bucking slightly into his fist as he fucked himself with his own hand. "John Laurens, John Laurens, fuck. Fuck!" 

Hot, white stripes painted themselves all over his keyboard, but he was too far gone in his own orgasm to give a fuck at the moment. A loud moan escaped his mouth and suddenly the dark background of John's camera lit up. The laptop was presumably thrown off his lap and onto the bed, the earphones were ripped out of the socket, letting Alex listen in on the conversation through the mic implanted on John's laptop. "Are you fucking kidding me, dude? We're trying to sleep and you're jerking it to your fucking girlfriend right now?" An unfamiliar voice.

"Sorry, it won't happen again I swear." 

"Yeah, it better not. Don't be an asshole." The lights turned off and John picked the laptop back up, plugging the earphones back in. 

"I have to go. Sorry, Alex." 

"Okay."

And John hung up.

 

It's been 3 months and Alex was bored. Not really lonely anymore. He wasn't sure if it became a normal part of his life or if it was just gone or what, but he no longer felt the desperation and longing he once did.  He even bought a different brand of soap and shampoo, a whole new scent to freshen things up. He no longer smelled of John Laurens. The letters slowed, their lengths shortened. They still talked weekly, sometimes they'd skip a week. It'd usually start with "how's your day?" followed by a response and a "how was yours?" A reply, a silence, they would just look at each others blurry faces, say "I miss you," a phrase that felt like it started to lose meaning. "Gotta go," one of them would say. "Love you." "Love you, too." On a good day, Alex would go off on a rant about an idiot professor or classmate and John would nod sleepily to acknowledge him.

They didn't try to get each other off after the mishap, John was too paranoid of his surroundings, of his room mates. Alex had tried to fuck himself with the toys they had, but he couldn't bring himself to full orgasm. In the end, he'd settled for his hand replaying scenes from when John was still home. Took note to record a session when he comes back home. But Alex was bored.

He still loved John dearly and purely, but he was bored. He wasn't crying nightly anymore, he wasn't thinking about how terrible life is without John. Just like life, he started to move on too. 

Lafayette wouldn't be considered a party animal, but he was definitely not an altar boy.A gentleman, by any means, who knew how to have fun and he liked to have fun with his friends. Alex being one of them. Even though all of his invitations had been turned down, they kept coming nonetheless. Alex knew what happened at clubs and he knew what kind of person John was like and he knew John did not like what happened at clubs. The dancing with strangers, the heat, the darkness, the sudden bright lights, the alcohol, the mysterious blunts being passed around, pills, a whole slew of dangerous substances readily available for you. Lose yourself in the music, lose your pride, just  _let yourself go_ for a moment, for a night. 

Alex wanted to pretend he was above all that. He wanted to be good, if not for himself then for John.  _John_. Except.

John wasn't there. Not there to judge him for his choices. And it's his own life. If John truly loved him, he would accept Alex for what he is. And he was going to get lost.

This time, Lafayette isn't the one to extend the invitation, but Alex who takes the initiative to join, gets picked up by Lafayette's chauffeur. That night Alex dances, oh he  _dances._ He wears his casual clothing, jeans and a simple black shirt-- easily ruinable and replaceable. He drinks, he laughs, he sways his hips on the dance floor entrancingly. Someone comes up behind him, places their hands on his hips and grinds on his ass and he grinds  _back._  He feels the beat of the music course through his body, can't hear himself think and he's so _l_ _ost,_ but it feels so  _good_.

Oh John,  _John._  But no. Lafayette appears in front of him, grinds their crotches together to the music and they both  _moan_ and Lafayette cradles the back of Alexander's head, pulling his hair back slightly. His head tips onto the shoulder of the person behind him and Lafayette towers over him, kisses him. Alex takes it,  _loves_ the attention he's being lavished with. Lafayette opens his mouth up with his tongue and Alex complies easily. Lafayette pulls away momentarily, comes back on his mouth, and shoves something inside and he knows what it is and he's in it, he's  _in it_  and it's _in him_.Lafayette laughs into his ear with joy and continues dancing against him, kissing him, and Alex has his arms wrapped around the taller man's neck and he's engulfed by the warmth of the club, by Lafayette's kisses, by the person dancing behind him, by the alcohol, by the drugs, by the  _loneliness?_

At one point he begged Lafayette to fuck him, he's sure of it, but Lafayette only laughed with the music and shushed him with a bruising kiss.

The next morning he woke up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room with a raging migraine. Managed to check himself-- didn't fuck, didn't get fucked, didn't disrobe at all. _Thank God._ He just kind of smelled like shit. He scampered out of the room through the nearest door and finds Lafayette in the kitchen. Right. He was at Lafayette's apartment. He pulls up a chair to the kitchen bar and watches his friend dressed in his fine pajamas shuffle around.

"Good Morning,  _mon ami,_ " greeted Lafayette as he poured water into a glass cup and handed it to Alex, which he gratefully accepted and gulped down. "Looks like we both had fun last night, no?"

"My head hurts," Alex replied dumbly. He put his head on the counter and mumbled, "where's my phone?"

"On the night stand next to where you slept. Ah, I'll get it for you."

Alexander felt like utter shit. He thanks Lafayette after the phone is placed in his hand and checks the notifications. Strange. He had a string of missed calls from John and a handful of text messages.

_"Alex, I wanted to surprise you but you're not home."_

_"Alex? Please answer. Where are you?"_

_"Are you okay? I hope you've only lost your phone. Please call me back."_

_"Where are you? Call me right now."_

_"Alexander Hamilton, please. I'm on the verge of calling the police. I don't know who to ask."_ and so on and so forth.

"Shiiit. I need to go. John's home. He's _home_." His heart only explodes into a billion tiny excited pieces, reforms and then drops down into his gut. Lafayette chuckles and pats Alex's back before he offers to let him use the shower and a few of his clothes with an offhand remark about how putrid he smelled. Also offered to wash Alex's clothes and return them when he sees him again. Alex takes all those offers, but calls John first before anything as Lafayette exited the living area into his own bedroom.

Ring. Ring.

"ALEX?" a near yell blasted through the earpiece that had Alex's ear ringing.

"John?"

"God, I was so fucking worried. Where are you? Do you want me to pick you up? I'm home. Y'know, for _you_."

"I stayed at Lafayette's place last night, had some things we needed to study. I'll be back home in like an hour, alright? Don't go anywhere." Alex smiled into the receiver. "I've missed you." And he truly meant it.

"... Hurry up and get home, alright?" John's voice hesitated.

"Wait for me."

 

Alex showered hurriedly, rinsed his mouth, left without bothering to check himself in the mirror and jumped onto the nearest train and made his way back home to his apartment. Honestly, out of all the days that John had decided to come home, it was the one day that Alex let himself misbehave.  _It'll be fine, it'll be fine._ It'd been so long since Alex had last seen him and his heart was beating out of his chest and glee ran through his system and he practically sprinted the moment he got off the train. 

Door was opened. The couch was not empty. The keys were dropped on the floor. 

There he was, sitting on the couch dressed in his uniform, elbows resting on his knees, anxiously waiting. The sound of the keys caught his attention and his head snapped towards Alex.

"John." Barely a breath. Tears readily spilled from Alex's eyes as he made quick long strides towards his long gone lover. John stood up with arms open, eyes also ready to spill, ready to receive Alex's embrace. 

Alex nearly knocked him into the ground as he ran into John and basically threw his arms around him. John held him and squeezed him, face buried in Alex's still damp hair. 

John was real, with him, in front of him, holding him, warm, real, physical, emotional, here, here, here, here, and  _real_ and  _here_. 

They pulled slightly apart only to push onto each other's lips, a desperate, manic kiss with the slightly salty flavor of tears. Hands ran everywhere, ran down each others backs, through each other's hair, chest, down their arms. John squeezed Alex's ass and received a delighted laugh from him. 

Then they stopped, breathed for a moment, and took a silent moment to just look into each others eyes, smiling. John's eyes flickered down quickly, smile faltering slightly, to be replaced with something slightly more forced. Alex noticed, but took no note and leaned back in to kiss him softly and lovingly, nudging him little by little towards the bedroom as he held his hands in his. 

John let himself be lead, let himself be pushed onto the bed. Alex climbed on top of him, took off Lafayette's shirt with a flourish, began unbuttoning John's top as he leaned down and sucked at his dip of his neck hard, licking wetly, marking him once again as he uncovered more skin.  _Mine_. John groaned underneath his ministrations, hands on Alex's hips, rubbing slow circles to encourage him further. 

"Take it off." Alex climbed off John and scrambled to remove the remaining articles of clothing. John followed suit on the bed, shimmying off his top and bouncing on the bed to remove his pants and underwear.

The bed dipped as Alex climbed back onto it, laying down next to John on his side, and ran his hands down John's chest, admiring the muscle that had slightly become more prominent. John took the back of Alex's head and guided him down to kiss him. A dopey smile made itself known on John's face when they pulled apart and Alex felt his heart swell and he was so  _in love_ with this boy and he was so happy to have him back and he just took in his warmth and his familiar scent. He swung his leg over John's torso to straddle him once again, but this time he sat on his lap, grabbed both of their cocks with both of his hands, spit, and began to stroke them together. He brings then to fullness before Alex grinds down on him with a dirty groan, gripping the sheets on either sides of John's head. 

"Fuck, Alex," grunted John, placing a hand on Alex's ass to pull him down harder. "The fuck have you been."

Alex chuckled as he continued to thrust against John, lowering to place a kiss on his lips. 

"Here. Waiting for you. I--" A gasp. "I couldn't fuck myself, been... saving... myself for you."

John snakes his other hand into Alex's loosening hair and pulls roughly as he rolls his hips back, body starting to sweat. "Have you? Really? You could've fooled me."

Alex stops momentarily, shoots him a questioning look, about to open his mouth but is quickly cut off when John pushes him off, rolls Alex onto his front and pulls his ass up.

A moment of deliberation. They've never done this before. Never talked about it. But.

A loud smack rang in the air and Alex almost moaned loudly into the sheets as he felt another wide palmed hit land itself on his ass. "Yes, God, _more_." John lands another, and another, and Alex keens and he  _feels_ it and can't help but let some tears fall.

John leans over his back, whispers in his ear as he rubs one of Alex's reddening cheeks. "I'm going to ruin to you, make up for lost time, and fuck you so hard you won't even remember him." It flies over Alex's head, taking it as dirty talk, and grabs the lube from the night stand's drawer and hands it off to John.

"Fuck me mindless,  _do it,"_ Alex chokes out.

Slick substance makes it's way onto Alex's ass-- a cold, cooling sensation on his asshole. He feels John's equally slicked finger circle the rim, teasing slightly, dipping a little and coming back out. Alex sobs a little every time it pops back out, but is finally gratified once John's fingers become a full intrusion, making its way into him, a sensation he missed. He rocked back against it and John pushed his finger into him, rocking it slightly before pulling out and coming back with another digit.

He stretches and scissors and pours more lube and pulls out to line himself up to Alexander, rubs his the head of his cock up and down before pressing in.

Alexander no less than thrashes and moans and repeats  _yes, yes, yes, John, yes, more._ The head of his cock breaches Alex and he's inside of him and Alex stills and breathes and begins to push him further in, rocking slowly. John throws his head back, grips Alex's hips and works himself in.

A quiet sob breaks out of Alex, alarming John.

"Alex, Alexander," he spoke quietly, leaning back over his back again, stroking his cheek, guiding Alex's face to look at him. Tears were streaming down and he looked absolutely pitiful. "What's wrong? Should I stop?"

"I've missed you so much, John," he sniffed. "Don't stop."

"Oh, Alexander Hamilton." John pulled out slowly and coaxed Alex to flip over onto his back. He entered again, stroking Alex's face, shushing him, telling him it's ok, he's missed him too and that he loves him so much and he's all he could think about when he was gone. 

John fucked him slowly, deliberately, gently, working the both of them up with such care. Kissed Alex as he slowly stopped sobbing and started to moan wantonly, back arching as John hits his spot, begs him to go harder,  _faster_ and John could only oblige. He rammed his cock in as he pumped Alex's, feeling the heat getting hotter, his hips beginning to lose rhythm and Alexander comes first, waves of pleasure rolling through him like a tsunami. He clenches around John and he's so  _tight_ and John fills him up, cries "Alexander!" and fucks him through and through until he's completely spent, pulls out, falls next to Alex and Alex is limp, breathing heavily, letting John's spend seep out. He didn't care about the sheets or the come that was starting to dry, he didn't care right now.

Alex immediately clings to him, wiggling into his arms to rest his head on John's shoulder, tangles their legs and throws an arm around John's torso as he reaches up to kiss John. John kisses him lovingly and scratches the back of Alex's head adoringly, and they both come down from their high. Alex's head remained on his shoulder, but buries his face into his chest. John's mindless scratching ceases and he clears his throat.

"So," he began. "Lafayette."

"What?"

"I'm not blind, Alex."

Offended, he sat up and threw John an incredulous glare. "Are you accusing me of  _cheating_? On _you_?"

John looked at Alex, his eyes once again flickering downwards and back to his eyes and gave him a sad smile. He stood up, grabbed a wipe from the dresser and threw it at Alex. "It's okay. I know it gets hard waiting."

Anger surged through Alex like electricity and he couldn't stop his mouth. "What the  _fuck?_ I'm not cheating on you, I didn't fucking cheat on you  _once._ I've been waiting here for you, y'know, like a good little fucking housewife. What the fuck are you on to even  _think_ that? Do you really not trust me? Even after, what, like, 4 years? _And,_ you're really going to accuse me of that shit right now. When you just got home. Really, John?  _Really?_ "

John's eyes only met the floor as he spoke, gathering their clothes from where they were thrown. He spoke softly. "You stayed at Lafayette's, you come back in his clothes, you took a  _shower,_ you _smell_ like him and... You... I don't think hickeys last for more than two weeks tops. At least it's Lafayette. Hey, wipe yourself, okay?"

"Hickeys?" John looked up at him as he threw their clothes into the hamper, motioned for him to go to the bathroom. Alex glared at him, stomped off to the bathroom and gave himself a once-over through the mirror. Holy  _shit_.

His neck was spotted with large blooming purple spots going up to the bottom of his jaw.  _Lafayette._ He deflated. He felt shitty and left to go back to the bedroom to explain. He found him stripping the bed from sheets.

"John, I didn't cheat on you, I-- I went to the club last night with Lafayette, did some _stuff_ , I couldn't think straight, I just lost myself, but I didn't cheat, I swear, I didn't cheat on you, we just had fun at the club and Lafayette was just trying to cheer me up and I just slept in his place and he kept me from doing something bad and I smelled bad so I showered and my clothes smelled bad and I didn't want you to smell me before you saw me and I swear there's nothing between us, I  _swear_ , John, I--" A pair of lips cut off his rambling.

"It's okay." 

"You're not even... mad? At this?" 

"No."

"Like... were you just...  _expecting_ for this or what? Why aren't you mad?"

John placed his hand on Alexander's cheek, made him look up to meet his eyes. 

"Because I love you. Now clean yourself." 

Alexander frowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually based on a true story. I probably shouldn't be writing about this, but... now it's my story to tell HAHA  
> 6/12/16, I changed the titled because it's a line from one of my favorite songs. I heard it as "Windows broken and dreaming" which I really liked, but I was looking up the lyrics today and... it's actually "windows open and raining in"  
> how embarrassing...


	2. b2u

"So..." Alexander's eyes were closed, his newly washed back flush against fresh, new sheets. He turned his head to look at John, who was fastidiously tidying up the room that Alex had trashed in his absence. "How long do you have here?"

"I have today and two more days." Random articles of Alex's clothing scattered around the room made its way into the hamper. John paused for a moment to meet Alex's eyes. "Let's make the most of it, alright? I don't want to waste time fighting with you."

"Y'know, I love you," Alex stated as he leaned up onto his elbows, eyes locked onto John's. "Right?"

"Yeah." John bent over, picked up a rumpled piece of scrapped paper and haphazardly threw it into the direction of the trash can. "Just... Don't do it again, okay? I know it's hard being so far apart and I'm doing my best to understand, but--" A sigh escaped his lips and he turned his back to Alex under the guise of cleaning. "I feel like... I got stabbed. By you. It hurts still, but I'm trying to understand. I love you too, like a lot, so.. Just don't do it again.  _Please._ "

Alex pursed his lips. An irrational irritation coursed through him, but he couldn't place why. He decided to brush it off as best as he could and left the comfort of the bed to hug John from behind, hands gripping the front of his shirt, and his cheek laid on John's clothed back. "I won't. I'm sorry." And he meant it.

John dropped whatever he was holding and turned around to hold Alex in his chest, an almost suffocating embrace. He spoke into Alex's hair as he rubbed his back. "It's the weekend, what do you want to do?" 

A chuckled escaped Alex's lips. "You're the one who's been gone, what have _you_ missed?"

"I missed _you_."

"C'mon." Alex's voice was muffled as he nuzzled his face into John's chest, inhaling his familiar scent, attempting to mark himself with it.

"Why don't we go out on a date or something? We can go to that old bookstore and get some dinner after."

"That's something _I_ like, but if that's what you want, I suppose I must  _oblige._ "

"And oblige you will." John pulled away and kissed his forehead before he hesitantly separated them completely. "Let's get ready, yeah? We can leave in an hour or so. Put some clothes on, dude."

A kiss was blown his way from Alex as he made his way to his messy drawers to rummage for clothes. John picked through his separate drawer, neat and tidy, untouched for nearly three months. The clothes they laid out almost matched each other and they laughed at how cheesy it looked. The color scheme of the button-up John chose matched Alex's shirt and cardigan, their pants both black and shoes exactly the same. 

"Should we still wear it?" asked Alex. His left arm was draped across himself, the elbow of the other resting upon it with his hand reaching up to scratch his chin inquisitively. John's hands rested on either side of his own waist, one eyebrow raised towards their choice of clothing. 

"I think," John turned to Alex, "that we  _definitely_ should." 

John tamed his loose curls behind him and implored Alex to let his loose, which Alex willingly gave way to. Both readily dressed and ready to go, Alex grabbed his keys, phone, and his John and almost pranced out of the door. He was still slightly bothered, irritated, but he buried it all in the back of his mind. He wasn't ready to go off at John, he didn't have the words to explain what he felt, the words to make his point, to exaggerate, to _win_. John's time was limited and Alex wasn't about to throw this precious time away. He was damned determined to make these days make up for the months he was by himself.

The walk to Alex's favored bookstore was not far. The breath of fresh air felt amazing and it felt even better due to the fact that John Laurens was walking next to him, occasionally bumping shoulders as they walked the streets. Their hands didn't touch, but this was normal. John wasn't a fan of public displays of affection where he could be easily recognized and Alex respected that-- or _tried_ , rather. The paranoia that grew up with John in the conservative South Carolina never left him, but it didn't stop Alex from bumping their hands together. Just in case John might grab it in return.

Conversation flowed easily-- Alex told John the details of his classes, the interesting things that happened during, the idiots who messed around and failed, the drama that was Aaron Burr and Theodosia Prevost as well as his congratulations to their mutual friend Angelica Schuyler on her new boyfriend. He thought about talking about Lafayette, but avoided him altogether. He also thought about bringing up a certain Eliza Schuyler in relation to her sister, but made the verdict that that would've been an equally awkward person to bring up. He brought up Hercules Mulligan and his recent successes in his field, currently sewing for the college's upcoming musical. John joked that he should attend, but Alex only scoffed at him, offering to go only if John went. He got a crooked, apologetic smile in response. 

When they walked up to the entrance of the bookstore, John opened the door with one hand, gestured for Alex to go in with the other and bowed his ahead. "After you, sir."

Alex walked in, playing along, bowed his head back and John and replied, "Thank you, sir." John followed right after him.

The bookstore was a labyrinth of books old and new. It was warm and it felt welcome and it smelled of old papers and coffee, books strewn around here and there. Some books were arranged messily for decoration, some books left by previous customers in random places. The books were barely organized, but that made it the perfect place to find something you weren't looking for and Alex absolutely  _loved_ it. He had a collection of random books he found from this store, some good, some laughable, some that became an integral part of him. 

John wasn't very excited about reading, but he was able to appreciate the art pieces in the bookstore. In one area was a large archway made of books, in another, a typewriter hung from the ceiling with an incredibly long piece of paper whimsically floating out of it. Books were artistically organized by color and it was overall a pleasant store to be in. Not to mention Alex would buzz from one end of the store to another and John liked watching him excitedly fussing around with the books.

Once Alex found a high bookshelf to hover over, flipping through a book, John approached from behind and placed his hands on his hips, squeezing lightly. A sigh escaped Alex as he visibly relaxed under John's touch. They were hidden in the corner, the bookshelf effectively covering them in an area where traffic was uncommon-- not that the store had a lot of customers anyway.

"What's this?" asked John.

"It's a book about, well," Alex flipped the pages, "law and stuff."

John perched his chin on Alex's shoulder, inhaling his still-Alex-scent-but-mixed-with-different-body-wash smell on his neck. One of his hands absentmindedly moved to the other side of his neck, accidentally brushing a sensitive mark made by Lafayette hidden underneath his hair, causing Alex to shiver slightly. The book in his hand slammed shut and Alex whipped around, looked up to John and muttered, "I think I'm going to get this." John didn't miss the way Alex's eyes flickered towards his lips. A quick survey of their surroundings revealed that no one was around them and John leaned down to give Alex a soft kiss on the lips. The air around them warmed, a blooming feeling making itself known in Alex's stomach as he chased John's lips when he broke off. 

Another kiss, a step. One more chaste kiss, Alex stepped backwards as John crowded him. A kiss, Alex's back brushing the bookshelf. A less innocent kiss, with John's body flush against Alex's, his book held to his side, his back precariously leaning on the shelf. The kiss deepened, their mouths moving against each other like waves crashing upon a shore, their bodies beginning to move with each other. 

Before both became fully immersed in their bedroom activities in the store, John broke contact first. Panting slightly, he looked down at Alex's flushed face, eyes slightly glassy. 

"You should... pay for that." John's eyes motioned towards the book that was barely hanging onto Alex's fingers.

A snort came out of Alex as he pushed himself off of the bookshelf, playfully tapping John's chest as he made his way to the cash register. John watched him from behind, rooted in his spot. A sigh escaped his lips, a hand ran through his hair, down his face, and down to his side. He knew he was  _fucked_ but that was okay. It would be okay for him if it was Alexander. It would be, right? It had to be. 

It had to be okay.

 

The two left the store with the book tucked into Alex's hand and made their way to the Italian restaurant that they had agreed upon. It was somewhat of a walk, but neither of them minded. Alex enjoyed rattling his mouth off to John and John enjoyed listening to him, occasionally throwing in his own input. The temperature had lowered along with the sun and the night air felt fresh upon them. The two subconsciously began to walk closer to each other, huddling for just a little bit of warmth.

The restaurant wasn't the cheapest place in the city, but it was within their budget and the fact that John was home made it a special night. Yeah, they could splurge for tonight.

When the two first began dating, they found themselves able to spend the money that John's father had supplied him. Money to bribe John to keep quiet about his tendencies so as to not soil his political reputation-- not that John needed it in the first place. The two went to pricey restaurants, amusement parks, museums, anywhere they wanted because they had the money to blow. Unfortunately, once John put his foot down and decided that he didn't want to continue majoring in law, his father cut him off. Henry Laurens told him that if John wouldn't listen to him then he can pay for his own education. He would still pay for lodging and just enough to keep John afloat and alive, he was still his father after all, but wouldn't pay for an education that he didn't agree with. So John entered the military to help alleviate some of the financial burdens. 

John and Alex finally reached the restaurant, entered, asked for a table for two and let themselves be led by the hostess to a booth on the side of the establishment. The restaurant was bustling with waiters and waitresses taking and handing out orders, with some customers trying to find their way around the restaurant. The place was moderately sized, most of the tables were taken, the employees wore white dress tops and black bottoms, it smelled cozy and the atmosphere was warm. The two sat across each other, Alex placing his newly purchased book on the far inside of the booth table. The hostess placed menus on the table, gave them a polite "I'll give you two a moment," and let them gaze over their choices. 

"What are you getting?" asked Alex, peering over his menu with coy eyes.

"Chicken parmigiana," replied John, also peering over his menu.

"Hmm..." Alex looked back down. "I think I'll get lasagna, then."

The two waited for the waitress to come back and gave their orders. As they waited they leaned towards each other over the table. 

"I've been talking about myself this whole time," Alex pointed out, slightly tilting his head. "How was it there? While you were gone over there?"

"Tiring, mostly," John sighed. He threw Alex a tired smile. "I've made a couple of friends in there, so that made life a little more tolerable while I was away, but... It's nothing like being at home. They don't exactly have cute little cafes or a certain _cute boy_ there, y'know?"  

Guilt surged through Alex's system, his heart sinking, swirling with feelings of annoyance. Something must have shown on his face because John gently nudged his leg with his foot. 

"Hey," John said softly. 

Alex reclined into the seat, leaning back into the cushion of the chair. He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply before letting his breath out slowly before looking back into John. "It's not like I fucked him, alright? We just kissed," he hissed.

"Jesus, Alex," John's flopped back onto his seat. "I'm really trying my best to be a good... partner to you. Everything is going fine, are you seriously going to do this here? In a restaurant?  _In public?_ "

"I know you're mad at me. Why are you pretending like everything's fine?"

"Because it  _has_ to be. Of course I'm not happy with what you did, do you even see yourself? Do you know what you look like right now?" John's voice was hushed but it still held it's edge. 

"Tell me,  _John._ Why don't you tell me,  _please._ "

"You look like you're someone's and not _mine_. And I can't erase it, it's stuck there and it's going to be there the whole time that _I'm here_. I had to beg to come home and I came home to  _that._ Everything's not okay,  _Alex_ , but they  _have_ to be."

"What the fuck are you talking about, J-" The waitress' cough interrupted him, catching both of their attentions. 

She laid two plates in front of them, stating which plate was which and left as quickly as she could. The two stared at their food, avoiding each other's eyes.

"Let's just finish dinner, go home and we'll talk about _this_ ," John muttered as he picked up a fork and a knife and began working on cutting his food. Alex scoffed in response, rolling his eyes, but began working on his lasagna as well.

The evening had taken a turn for the worst as the two sat in their little booth in silence, save for the clinking of their utensils. Their server stopped by here and then, but made a point not to come so often, sensing the tense atmosphere between them. Once they finished their food, they grabbed the check, Alex paid this time and John tipped, and they hailed a cab to go back home. The night became cold and chilly, just like their demeanor towards each other. They sat as far as they could from each other in the back seat, looking out of their windows. Alex's foot tapped against the floor and it slowly got on John's nerves, but he said nothing of it. In contrast to Alex's fiery tantrum, a cold anger finally seeped its way through John, like it was patiently waiting for him to let it in.

After a short drive, the cab pulled up to their apartment complex. John paid and they both exited and still quiet, made their way back up to their unfortunately shared apartment. 

Then, they were inside. The heavy door clicked behind them. They stood still right by the doorway, waiting for the other to start. In the end, John was the one who shattered the heavy silence.

"Alex." And that was all he could get out of his mouth before Alex pushed him onto the door, ravaging his mouth, hands frantically grasping at his sides. It took almost all of John's willpower to shove him off, almost falling into Alex's trap. He wiped his mouth and Alex dropped onto his knees and began to unfasten John's belt to unbutton his pants. John wrestled him off, Alex falling onto his hands on the floor. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Alex gave him a stern look, surprisingly unwilling to speak for once. He scrambled to stand back up, shoved John against the door again and locked his mouth onto John's neck, sloppily sucking and licking, hands grabbing hard at John's hair, undoing his tie. The sight of a desperate Alex sent a pleasurable shiver up John's spine, but the better part of him knew this was wrong and what Alex was doing was wrong. He tried to pry Alex off again, slightly struggling, only to have him snap back like a rubber band. He didn't want to hurt Alex, but he didn't want  _this._ John grabbed his hair and threw him to the ground.

" _Stop._ " What John had hoped to convey with conviction almost came out like a broken sob. His hand flew up to his neck, wet with Alex's slobber. 

"Fuck you, John." Alex stayed slumped into the carpeted floor, muttering into it. "If you're upset just fucking say so, don't do this weird everything-is-fine shit with me. If you've got something to say then say it." He slowly made his way back up and met John's eyes. His body stood stock still, fiery eyes burning. "I know you, don't get fucking passive aggressive with me. Just yell at me or something,  _please._ Don't--"

"I. Waited. For you. And you couldn't do that for me. What the  _fuck_ was I supposed to do when I've been away from  _you,_ I couldn't help  _you_ , and I couldn't do  _anything_ for you. But obviously you didn't need me for shit because you've already got Lafayette hooked around your fingers _just like you have me_. You couldn't fucking  _wait_ for me. So yeah. I'm a little fucking upset."

"You didn't even try! I've got  _needs,_ John, and I love you and all, yeah, but I can't fucking just be... by myself. You didn't do  _shit-"_

" _Me?_ " John spat out incredulously. He stepped closer to Alex, face intimidatingly close to his. "I lived in a room with three other guys. Our time zones are different. You think I had a semblance of privacy at night with three other guys in the room? I got caught once and they almost caught  _you_. You think being known as the gay guy in a room with three other very male guys is going to pan out well for me? How do you function being so _fucking_  selfish? Don't you think it was hard for me too? You have the comforts of being at home with your friends and your privacy and freedom while I was away without all of that, just so I can go to school. Just so I can stay with you, for _our_ future and you fucking slap me in the face with this bullshit. I  _forgave_ you and you're not satisfied with that? Seriously, what the fuck? I really don't know what you want from me right now, so why don't  _you_ spit it out?"

Alex glared at him, mouth opening and closing, trying to find words to throw back at John's face. "I don't need your fucking forgiveness." Alex snatched his set of house keys that had fallen on the floor in the midst of his attack and made his way toward the door. "Get out of the way, I don't want to be around you right now." An astounded laugh burst out of John. 

"What? Are you going to go back to Lafayette? Are you going to finish the job and fuck him this time?" 

The back of Alex's hand connected painfully to his cheek, sending him stumbling out of the way. "Fuck you." 

The door opened. Alex stepped out. The door closed behind him. He stormed down the hallway as he shakily took his phone out of his pocket and hovered over Lafayette's contact. It was embarrassing and shameful to admit that John was right about running back to Lafayette, but right now, Lafayette was the only friend who could understand. The phone rang a couple of times until Lafayette hummed a "hello?" and a "what's going on?"

"Can I come over right now?" asked Alex, making his way down the building's staircase. "And stay over, probably."

" _Mon ami,_ shouldn't you be with John tonight? He is, after all, going to be leaving very soon." 

" _Gilbert_ ,  _please._ "

"Alright, alright. Come on."

Finally outside, he hailed a taxi and gave them the address. The boiling hot anger he felt simmered down to regret, sadness, self-hatred, and pity. He ran his hands down his face, thinking about how many ways that fight could have been avoided. What he could've-  _should've_ done, what John should've done, what they both shouldn't have done. He wanted to blame John. For all of it. 

He wanted to blame John for making him lonely, for making him have to take care of himself, for acting so passive like it was  _expected_ for Alex to have done this, but Alex knew he was the one who went out and let himself be drugged, marked and kissed and groped and rubbed on. He was the one who let it happen and he was the one who instigated the fight. He knew John only meant well in all of his actions, but he  _hated_ it and he wanted to blame John but he only had himself to blame.

The cab pulled up in front of Lafayette's structure, the driver turning around waiting expectantly for Alex to hand his fare over. The money was handed and Alex was out of the car and into the building, into Lafayette's doorway, knocking frantically until his friend opened the door.

Lafayette was dressed in his luxurious matching pajamas, leaning on the side of the frame. "John called me. I'm sorry." He pushed the door further open, inviting Alex to enter.

"I fucked up big time," Alex groaned as he walked in, plopping into Lafayette's sofa. Lafayette followed him, sitting on the matching love seat on the side. Alex gave a silent look of appreciation for the distance Lafayette purposefully put between them. 

"It's also my fault, dear," sighed Lafayette. "I'm not sure what I had been expecting that night, but not that. I didn't expect for you to be so..."

"I know, I know." Alex bit his bottom lip. "What did John say?"

"He told me what you two fought about, to tell him if you arrived at my front door, and then he asked how long _it_ had been happening. Of course, I told him the truth that it was the first and only time, but..." Lafayette's eyes drooped to the ground. "I feel terrible. He has every right to be furious at me, yet he was so calm about it. I felt even worse that he wasn't acting angry. It felt as if I had disappointed my aunt or something along those lines. It feels terrible."

"That's _exactly_ how I feel too, but it felt as if he  _knew_ that I was going to cheat on him or whatever. Like his expectations of me were so low and that really pissed me off. Even though I'm in the wrong, he's being really fucking annoying about this. If you're going to be mad, _be mad._ " 

Lafayette picked up his phone and shot off a text to presumably John. " _Mon cher_ , you shouldn't be here tonight, really. His time here is so limited and you should be spending it with him. You don't want him to leave with the two of you on bad terms, right?"

"I.... I don't," Alex slumped defeatedly, "but looking at him makes me so fucking angry when he throws me this weird off-smile and he keeps  _staring_ at these." He pointed to the marks on his neck. "And then I feel bad and terrible and shit and I don't know, Lafayette. I just don't know. I love him so much, but he's away for so long and I miss him and I'm _lonely_."

"Sleep here for tonight, alright?" Lafayette stood up and stopped behind the couch on the way to his room and laid a gentle hand on Alex's shoulder. "But you need to go home tomorrow.  _Early_ tomorrow. You're both my friends and I feel bad for being a cause of this. I can't face John right now, but  _you_ have to."

Alex ran his hands down his face and hummed in agreement. After Lafayette shuffled off to bed and Alex shuffled off to the guest bedroom.

Sleep came difficultly to Alex, tossing and turning and tears occasionally falling from his eyes, heavy heart sinking into the plush sheets. He dreaded being apart from John, but he dreaded facing him. His phone has been silent and the space he asked for was a wish that had been granted. Eventually, he passed out from being so tired and slept fitfully.

The morning came too quick and Lafayette shook him awake and promptly kicked him out of his apartment with love. It was 6 AM and the sun was barely rising and Alex grumbled as he trudged through the streets, deciding to try to walk home to put off facing John as much as he could. An hour and a half later, he was at his apartment door and his heart was in his throat and he had half a mind to run away, but his keys were in the door and he was turning the knob.

The door was flung open before he tried to push it and there was John with glistening eyes and then there was warmth and John was embracing him and it released Alex's floodgates. He sobbed into John's chest and tried to talk, but his hiccuping prevented him from speaking articulately and John rubbed his back soothingly and guided him into the apartment and shut the door.

"John, I'm so," a hiccup, "sorry."

"Sh..... sh...."

"I just-- I'm so," he sobbed. "I'm so lonely without you here. I want you to be,  _hic_ , here. I want you to,  _hic_ , stay."

"Alex..."

"I know you can't,  _I know_ , but that's what I want. You asked what I want, and that's it."

There was no response from John, only his hands rubbing circles into his back.

"I know this situation isn't something you asked for, this isn't what you want either, _right_? This is a necessity and I know everything about necessity, but it still fucking... fucking sucks. I'm sorry for what I did, but I was so lonely and I missed you so much and it's not an excuse but I didn't know what to do to take away that feeling."

John kissed the top of his head and settled the both of them down on their couch. He peeled Alex away from his shirt and cupped his face with his hands, wiping the tears as they fell down his cheeks. He kissed Alex softly and Alex leaned back into him, attempting to deepen it, only to have John pull away.

"I wish I didn't have to do this, I wish I could be here with you, I wish I didn't fuck up with my dad, I wish for so many things," whispered John. "It's hard right now, but if we work hard, if we can get through this, imagine our future. We could.... We could get  _married_ and be financially stable with our college degrees and we'll have a family and we'll be so happy together."

" _Married_ ," whispered Alex back, looking deeply into John's eyes, a smile forcing its way onto his lips and his eyes. A giggle involuntarily coming out from him. " _Married._ "

"We could get married right when I get back. I guess this isn't exactly how I planned to propose and I don't have a ring, but we can promise each other that. We can be  _fiances._ "

" _Fiance_." 

The two gazed at each other with dumb smiles before John leaned back in to give Alex a kiss, letting him deepen it this time, and pushed him onto his back. They laughed and kissed happily and giggled and then gasped, and moaned, and rocked onto each other and came and kissed each other, blissed out. They briefly fell asleep huddled next to each other on the couch for about two hours before they woke up sticky with each other and slightly overheated. They jumped into the shower together, lovingly washing each other, kissing, touching, unable to take their hands off of the other. 

The rest of the day was spent full of apologies from Alex, apologies from John for trying to avoid a confrontation, kissing, hand holding, watching TV and talking about a future both were so excited for.

"We could get a house uptown," suggested Alex, scrolling through places for sale. 

"How about we think about where we'd get married?" John replied from the kitchen, cooking some grilled cheese to snack on for the both of them. "Where'd you want to get married?"

"Anywhere, I don't care. We can even just go through that one drive-thru chapel, honestly."

"That's so romantic, Alex," laughed John, placing each of their sandwiches on a plate. "But I don't care either, so long as we get married."

Alex smiled to himself and continued scrolling through the web page. He was a man on a path to becoming married, to being tied down with a ring and his heart has been the lightest it's been ever since John left. 

They watched the sunset from the rooftop, sitting legs crisscrossed next to each other, holding hands. That night they headed straight to bed, kissing each other everywhere, running their hands innocently up and down each other, memorizing the other's body, and drifted off to a dreamless sleep, curled into each other.

On the last day, Alex woke up with breakfast in bed with John peppering his sleepy head with kisses. It was the whole pancake, eggs, bacon, orange juice and bagel shindig and he was almost embarrassed with how stupidly cliche it was, but he had to admit that it really got him. He gave John an appreciative squeeze on the hand and started to eat.

"So, I was thinking," said John, looking everywhere but Alex with his eyebrows raised, "that we could get you a ring. Today."

Alex almost choked on a bite and downed a gulp of juice. " _Today?_ "

John looked at him sheepishly and reddened ever so slightly. "I actually started saving money for it a long time ago. Maybe after our 3rd year of dating? Figured you were the one back then, y'know?"

"Holy _shit._ I didn't even--"

"No, no. Don't worry, I know." 

"John," Alex breathed out. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go. Let's do it. Let's be real fiances."

After Alex finished up his breakfast, he took a shower and dressed himself while John, already dressed, washed the dishes and tidied up the kitchen. The two left to go to their nearest jewelers to scour out some rings for Alexander's finger.

Alex bounced in his steps and John was positively elated at how excited he was. They ended up going through about 2 stores and Alex found a ring he liked on the third try. A white gold ring adorned with a large diamond in the center and a hint of rose gold on the bottom entranced him and he pointed at it and said, "that's it, that's the one."

About 30 minutes and roughly 2 thousand dollars later, the ring on display luckily fit Alexander perfectly and he walked out with it on his finger, paid in full. He couldn't stop looking at it, fiddling with it, touching it and feeling it. It felt surreal. It felt as if he weren't even on the mortal plane anymore. He was probably in heaven right now.

"You won't even let me propose to you properly, will you?" laughed John. 

"I'm never going to take this off," replied Alexander, flashing him a sly grin. John's eyebrow raised in slight intrigue and he chuckled. 

They went to a fancy restaurant before going back home, knowing exactly what the night was going to entail. 

That's right.

John had to pack up again to leave.

Alex laid on his side on the bed watching John on the floor folding and shoving his clothes into a duffel bag, fiddling with his ring with a frown plastered on his face. 

"My flight leaves at 5 AM tomorrow," sighed John. "It sucks, but I have to leave by 3."

Alex bit the inside of his mouth and hummed in response, knowing he'd say something that would make John feel bad for leaving if he opened his loud mouth. The bedside clock read 8 PM and he knew that John needed sleep, so no getting railed that night. The marks Lafayette left had started to fade and were barely light purple splotches, but he knew John avoided those spots. No getting marked in his favorite places either then.

Once John filled up his bag, Alex coaxed him into pulling his dick out and into his mouth. 

"Just a quick one," Alex spoke into his crotch as he nuzzled it. "Please? My soon-to-be-husband?"

"I can't say no to you," John sighed dramatically. 

Now here he was, on his knees in between John's legs while John sat on the edge of the bed. Alex's head bobbed shallowly onto John's cock, tongue swiping over his slit occasionally and giving long, hard sucks here and there. John's hand weaved into Alex's hair, gripped onto him and gently pushed him down, giving Alex the option to tap out if needed, but he kept taking it, until John's hips snapped and hit the back of his throat. He nearly choked and John nearly pulled him off, but he dipped back down, giving John the go ahead. John fucked Alex's throat relentlessly until he was groaning and coming down Alex's throat and he tried his hardest not to choke and swallow his come dutifully. John pulled Alex gently up by his hair and gave him a long, rough kiss while Alex rutted and humped his thigh, coming with a slight cry and staining his shorts.

They changed, they fell asleep, and then they woke up in the middle of the night to get ready to drop John off at the airport for the second time. 

Alex and John held hands while Alex drove in the car, his ring glinting with the streetlights. They were silent the whole way there, enjoying the last moments they had together with a heavy heart.

They found a parking space and Alex left with John to go drop him off at his gate. This time, no tears were shed, only hopeful smiles and kisses. The one place John permitted himself the freedom of providing Alex the public affection he so craved. 

"I love you, Alexander Hamilton.... Almost Laurens," John muttered into his mouth.

"I love you, too, John Laurens.... _Hamilton_."

John laughed a little, but then tilted his chin up, kissed him, and said "Please, don't... do that again, alright? I'll be home for Christmas, the wait won't be as long as last time."

"Of course not," said Alex, looking absolutely shameful. He looked up and flashed his ringed finger at John. "I'm a man about to be married." 

"It's a promise."

"A promise."

And then John was gone a couple of minutes later.

Alex stayed to watched the plane depart and left to go back home. It wasn't as painful this time, but it felt lonesome still. 

He opened the door to his apartment, no one was on the couch, the keys were dropped onto the kitchen counter and it felt like John never even visited. The only proof of his visit was the cleanliness of the apartment, the restocked kitchen, and the return of his delicious scent on the sheets.

Oh and _the engagement ring._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually recently visited the bookstore i based this one on and it was fucking aweeeesome (the last bookstore in LA)  
> (where do they live??? i dont know............. east coast with some west coast stuff? HA)  
> the ring is "14K White And Rose Gold Halo Diamond Engagement Ring Setting 5/8 Cttw. By Peter Lam"  
> i think it looks pretty 8,) I like the little gold on the bottom haha
> 
> im not a writer and this was hard to write so it took me a really long time to finish this chapter and i have SO much more to write!! the nice thing is that i have an EXTREMELY solid idea of where this fic is going so thats something to be hopeful about HAHA  
> the not nice thing is i tend to not check over my mistakes... so please point them out.... thank you.. HAHA  
> hmu @caffeineguzzler on twitter!!! i post my gross hamilton fic ideas/progress and headcanons haha  
> i also thought it'd be cool to share my playlist for this fic [right here](https://open.spotify.com/user/caffeineguzzler/playlist/7tvMHYeQ2B35BHqyvjHU5g)!!

**Author's Note:**

> Actually based on a true story. I probably shouldn't be writing about this, but... now it's my story to tell HAHA  
> 6/12/16, I changed the titled because it's a line from one of my favorite songs. I heard it as "Windows broken and dreaming" which I really liked, but I was looking up the lyrics today and... it's actually "windows open and raining in"  
> how embarrassing...


End file.
